I’m just writing this to put all my feelings into words and let whoever reading it knows how tired and hurt I am because at this stage of life I have no one to talk to about how I really feel.
It’s midnight and that’s normally the time my feelings and thoughts come all at once and just attack me from every corner of my mind.
I try so hard to think of happy things , memories , anything to put a smile on my face before sleeping but as usual it’s just a failure.
I had people I could talk to , I lost them . It wasn’t their fault. It was mine. I’m the one to blame , they were there for me but I kept pushing them away until they finally fell and took no more bullsh*t from me.
It’s times like this I wonder if I’ll ever find a true friend who’ll be there for me no matter how b*tchy I am or how depressed I am. Someone who will be there for me twice as much when I’m sad as they are there for me when I’m happy.
Someone who truly cares if something bad happened to me. You know ? Those kind of people who you can call a true friend ? Someone that I never had or will ever have in my life .
It’s time like this I start to realise how unworthy I really am , how unwanted and how unnecessary my presence is. I mean, if I die tonight , who would come to my funeral apart from my family ? Even my family , they wouldn’t do a funeral if it wasn’t for what the people would say/think of them.
It’s times like this I realise that I will never be good enough. Not even for one hour of my life nevermind a day.
Will these thoughts ever go away ? Or are they just what reality is and i just keep running away from reality each night by crying myself to sleep ?
Because I’m really tired of life at this stage and id really like an answer.
hopefuldeedee95 